:: Tensai Shoujo ::

:: Sunday, December 29, 2002 ::

Today was a good day that seemed really, really short. I woke up at about 10:00 after having a really odd dream about being videotaped by the neighbors, but that's just a story I don't want to go into. I was planning to go see "The Two Towers" with my family, but didn't realize they were planning to go see the earliest showing. It worked out all for the best, however, because the showing we went to ended up being in the biggest projection room at the local theater. Very cool. Oh, but there was this guy at the theater who I sort of feel should fall under my classification of "pervert," but really was just a jerk in general. We first got a taste of him when we were getting tickets. He yelled at the girl behind the counter, acting as if she was stupid for asking him which showing he was going to see. Then, after my mom and I went to get our seats, I guess my dad witnessed this guy yelling at the clerk behind the counter for one reason or another. And then, as I was briskly walking back out to the concession stand to get my mom a straw for her drink, he passed by my, and I swear, he made some sort of clucking animal noise at me. I gave him the dirtiest look I could muster. I began to wonder if he was retarded or something, but I think he was just a royal ass.

Anyway, after the movie, I got a hold of Brian, and we planned to get together later in the evening. We knew Marni was also going to be home, so we tried calling her many times. Each time someone was on the internet and we couldn't get through. After dinner the two of us decided to swing by her house and get her. When we got there, we rang the doorbell. No one answered, so we tried again a couple of times. Then I looked in the window, and I could see her parents sitting at their kitchen table, so I told Brian to knock on the door. Still no answer. We were both perplexed, and thought maybe we weren't welcome, so we went to the bookstore for the time being and decided to try and get a hold of her later.

At the bookstore, I made an amazing find of the unabridged Hobbit on CD for $20. My mom had wanted that for Christmas, but the only copy that I'd seen was abridged, and thus not as good. So I bought that, and then went to the coffee shop. We tried calling Marni from there, and we actually got through to her mom. She told us that Marni was going to Barnes and Noble. So Brian and I went to meet them there. The first thing we asked once meeting them there was why we had gotten the brush off earlier. It turned out that Marni had been spazzing out about something and no one in her family could hear the doorbell. Ha ha.

We hung out at the bookstore for a while and talked about really controversial things really loudly and laughed at stuff until they closed, then we went to Blockbuster and rented "Bring it On" which is a really stupid/funny movie about cheerleading. We went to Brian's house to watch it, and afterwards I came home. What a fun day :)

Yesterday I went to Rosedale and found the third volume of the Wish manga at Waldenbooks, so I snatched that up. I've head there are only four volumes total, but I've only seen three and I haven't verified that more than four don't exist. So who really knows. Other than that, I think the only thing left for me to do now is to listen to my Hobbit book on CD just to make sure there're no errors on it ^_^ woo hoo!
:: Jessi 12/29/2002 02:21:00 AM [+] ::
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Well, after a couple days hiatus, I feel fresh... no, wait, that's a lie.

Christmas was Christmas, just as usual. Except this year I wasn't working like a dog for once. Christmas fell in between two days that I was unavailable to work, plus I didn't get scheduled on Monday, so the last day I had to work was on Sunday. It was nice to have a break, but I found that I really didn't accomplish anything in my free time. I'm always more creative on a deadline or with limited time. I got the Fellowship of the Ring Extended Edition, so I've gone through the movie and one disc of the extra features already. I swear, we've watched this movie probably five times in the last two days, three times on DVD, and two more times on TV, since it's been showing on the premium channels lately. I'll never get worn out on those movies, though. Not ever.

I got lots of nice new clothes and a new jacket (which I needed, since my other winter jacket has been with me since high school and I stopped liking it.) Plus a journal (heh) and a new phone and whatnot. Practical stuff. I've found that the things I would have thought were "no fun" when I was a kid (clothes, socks, etc.) are really quite welcome now that I'm older. I appreciate not having to buy pens and folders and whatnot, because I don't have a whole lot of money for that kind of stuff to begin with. And clothes are just too expensive most of the time (except for that $6 skirt I got the other day, what a deal.)

I've been pretty much isolated from my friends the last couple of days. It's nice to not feel like I have plans all the time, but I do want to hang with my friends while they're still around in Minnesota. There are some people that I'd really like to get in contact with and just talk to. Just talk seriously about stuff (yes, I'm talking about someone specific but I wouldn't want to embarass them by going into too much detail.) It's just that sometimes there are things to say and feelings to express but you don't feel comfortable saying them because you don't know how the other person will react. Like when you need something you're not getting...

Hmm. It's hard for me to talk about here, so I don't know what I should say. Whenever I bring something serious up, I always feel like I'm whining about it and the people I'm talking to don't realize that I want to talk about something important. Whoa, this is certainly evasive, isn't it?

I don't know what else to say, so I'd better not carry on anymore.
:: Jessi 12/26/2002 05:45:00 PM [+] ::
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No rant today, just boring emotional stuff. Well, not even that, really. I just felt like I needed to write and it's easier sometimes when I'm just talking to no one and everyone in particular.

Yesterday two of my friends got into a fight that didn't have to happen. A friendly debate gone bad. One friend began personally attacking the other, and I got upset with her. I don't want to see her for a while. Today, I took my other friend out and we went shopping and out for dinner at a nice restaurant. Then we came home and watched Azumanga Daioh until midnight. Cheap therapy, but effective. Now I can't help but wonder what the other friend is going through. If it had been me, I would have ripped myself apart by now and felt miserable, and probably would have spent most of the day crying and in a funk. But that's just me, and I'm not stubborn enough to do much else.

I suppose, to me, friends are too important, and even when I disagree, I try to do it in an agreeable manner. I get the feeling that can be annoying sometimes also, and I've had certain people tell me I ought to be more assertive. That's difficult when you're afraid of conflict though, isn't it.

Wow, I can't believe tomorrow is Christmas eve. I know that this is supposed to be a very family-oriented time of year, but it's so difficult to get into the spirit these days. It's not like I hate the holidays or anything, but I've just been exposed to the dark side too often in the last few years, and it's beginning to spoil me on the whole ordeal. From my vantage point behind the return counter at Target, I've witnessed arguments, heard and been called words I don't care to repeat, been yelled at and basically been dehumanized, mainly just for performing the kind of job that I'm paid to do. But what's really more important, getting the $5.00 back for some cheap junk you got from some distant relative who bought it at the last minute, or trying to maintain some form of sanity and composure in public? Sometimes I can't really tell what people hold as their priorities. I want to enjoy Christmas, but sometimes I feel like it's all just too much. They say that more deaths occur around the holidays than any other time of year and I totally believe it. What better to cause a heart attack than waiting in line just to get into an argument with a cashier who's just doing her job?

I need someone to tell me every once in a while that humanity isn't just spinning out of control. I need someone to hold me and let me cry on their shoulder because it's so stressful sometimes. I need some affection, gosh darn it!

Phew, sometimes it's hard to deal with everything at once. Maybe time for me to get some sleep, yes? Yes.
:: Jessi 12/24/2002 12:28:00 AM [+] ::
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Hello. Today I'm going to touch on a very important subject, so stick with me here.

I really love being a citizen of the United States of America. It means that I'm given certain rights that no one can take from me. One of them, and probably the most important of them is the right to freedom of speech. I'm especially partial to this right because it first and foremost allows STUPID PEOPLE to say things that really reflects their rampant idiocy, and also allows me to state my opinion of them without fear of repremand via the law. I was surfing the internet today, and came upon this stinking piece of refuse. If you don't want to take the time to look at this link yourself, I'll summarize for you. Basically, this group is protesting the recently released film "Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers." And no, it's not because of the reasons you might be thinking. They aren't religious fanatics raving about offense to God and they aren't a group protesting the violence of the film. Nope. They are a group protesting the very title of the film itself, "The Two Towers," because it isn't sensitive to the September 11th tragedy which occurred in 2001.

Their site is devoted to having the studio, New Line Cinema, change the name of the film out of sensitivity to the memory of people affected by the tragedy. They also state that Peter Jackson, the director of the film, is putting forth a hate message simply by releasing the film under its original title. Under their line of thinking, such a name change is perfectly logical, just as with the film Spider Man in which images of the Twin Towers were removed before the film's release.

Let me get this straight, the title of a story, which was published all the way back in 1954, is insensitive because it bears a resemblance to a concept which took shape almost half a century later? Rubbish. Not only are these people OVERLY sensitive about this issue, they fail to indicate an understanding that the title of the film is a title of a book that was created in a time when the Twin Towers didn't even exist.

These people are full of crap, and would have people mess with an author's original title. They ought to be ashamed of themselves.
:: Jessi 12/22/2002 12:58:00 AM [+] ::
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Wow, I spent the last two days sitting around and playing video games... the last time I really did that was back in high school. I must say it was therapeutic. Wednesday night I went to see Lord of the Rings, and I must say there wasn't anything disappointing about it. I had the wits to read the book back over the summer, so I didn't remember enough of the tiny details to be able to nitpick about what they left out or what they changed, so there was really no opportunity to gripe about it. I should really mention that I left the theater with the same feeling that I felt last year after seeing "Fellowship." It's odd, it was like the movie was so good, and yet I didn't have any strong feelings about it one way or the other at first. It took multiple viewings of the first film to really develop the love I have now for the story. Once I thought over the different aspects of "Two Towers," I knew that I loved even more than the first film. Now I have to wait a whole other year for the conclusion!

I've been so busy in recent weeks, it's been difficult to think about Christmas at all. I wrote out a list for my parents like a month ago, and I've just barely been working at Target, so the idea really hasn't been in my mind. I've been wondering about the things that I got for my family and such, whether they're really thoughtful or not. I think I sometimes beat myself up trying to find gifts that really have a lot of thought put into them. It's just so hard to shop for certain people, especially guys. I mean, for girls you can just go to Bath and Body Works and pick up a gift set, but for guys, it's just more difficult to generalize like that.

I also have a hard time figuring out what I really want. Sure, I put some material things down on paper to make it easier for others to shop for me, but sometimes the things I wan't aren't like a CD or DVD. You know what I could really use this year? Some good old fashioned romance. My life is just so hectic, and I basically roll out of bed and fend for myself every day. I'd like to be the center of attention and feel pretty once in a while. Yes, the word is out: even nerd girls like to feel pretty. But whatever.

Off to watch some Food Network...
:: Jessi 12/21/2002 01:05:00 AM [+] ::
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You know, I really ought to be studying for my Japanese and Linguistics finals which I have tomorrow, but I've got a bummer of a headache and can't seem to concentrate. Plus I took a two hour break to go see my sister's choir concert at SLP. Plus I spent all day bumming around the mall with my dad looking for a cappucino maker for my mom. We didn't find the right one. No one has the one she wants. Well, Bed Bath & Beyond had it, but it was a returned one which was dirty inside, so no luck there. I don't see what's wrong with the old cappucino maker personally, but I'm not an expert in that field, am I.

Shopping actually wasn't so bad. I got to go to Border's bookstore and view their extensive manga shelf. Much more than Barnes and Noble. And yet, they didn't have the third volume of the Wish manga which I kind of wanted. I know that it exists, because they have it online at Amazon.com, but I don't want to pay a shipping fee and have to wait, because it's so close to Christmas and it would just be a hassle. Anyway, I'll keep it in mind for when I have some more money and can blow it on comics.

My dad and I went to the grocery store, and I ended up basically doubling the bill because I didn't have anything good to eat at the house. So I got some nice microwave food and some juice and whatnot, so now I'm happier. Or at least better fed.

I've just realized that when I get busy with finals, my life is basically just put on hold. Like, I can't hang out with people, so our relationships don't develop. And I'm always crabby and quiet and have a headache. I really wish that didn't happen, because I don't want to alienate people. I got to thinking today just how immature I can be sometimes. Like, I don't know how common it is, but sometimes I can't tell the difference between when people are teasing me and when they're insulting me. Or if I know they're teasing me but if they do it too much, I start to feel resentful or insulted, and then I just want to cry. Ugh, I don't have time to delve into much detail about this now, I've got a Japanese final and a Linguistics final to do and I have to take a shower and get ready.

A o toreru to iin desu ga...
:: Jessi 12/18/2002 08:44:00 AM [+] ::
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Kay, so I'm gonna try again now. I wrote an entry last night and got as far as submitting it, but wouldn't ya know it? The page couldn't be located and I lost about 20 minutes of writing. Phooey.

I got done with my Film final today, and it was easier than I thought. There was matching and short answer type questions which were a snap, and then there were three essays, one short, two long. They took up the biggest chunk of the time. You never realize how fast time flies when you're on a two hour deadline and you're writing an essay. And the pain! Not in my brain, but my neck just got sore from staring at the paper in the same position for such a long time. But that's over, and I know almost for a fact that I did way better than a good portion of that class.

This evening I got home at the last minute, then rushed off to my sister's band concert. It was boring for the first half, but the second half was good because it was the two upper level bands. My sister and the rest of the purcussion played a percussion ensemble arrangement of "Jingle Bells" which was really great. Brian and Abby were there with me, and we went out for food at Perkin's after the concert because I hadn't really eaten anything but a half-cooked toaster strudel for dinner. Then we came back here because I got Brian really into Azumanga, so I burned him the whole series so we could watch it at his house. It took a while to get it set up, but once we did, it was, as Justin would say, "pure gold." Abby really got into it, and she said she liked it a whole lot more than she thought she would. I'm spreading the joy of anime to all sorts of new places ^_^ And I can still laugh at every antic even though I practically have the episodes memorized. That's the sign of a quality TV show.

Wednesday I have my Japanese oral final and my Linguistics final. I'm actually more worried about the Japanese final because I get so nervous in those situations. It's really just the worst five minutes you can spend, in the room with a Sensei audiotaping you and asking questions you should have studied for more. Argh.

Yay, it's almost 3:00am now! I'm getting so tired. I guess I'll stop writing now, since I can barely sustain coherence.

Oyasumi
:: Jessi 12/17/2002 02:52:00 AM [+] ::
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Whoa, so I joined the trend and finally started a journal online. I have a history of not keeping up with journaling, and my last physical one met a watery end in the Canon River (not going into that story again, too traumatic.) But we'll see about this one. There's just those things you can't talk about to peoples' faces, but you can write about to total strangers on the internet, just to elicit sympathy. Cheap therapy.

So, what to talk about... well, finals are coming up soon, but I only have two days worth. Monday I have one in the afternoon. My Japanese film one, which I don't care about. I mean, the prof gave us a friggin' review sheet which basically gives us the answers to the entire test. All I need is to figure out the answers tomorrow (Sunday) and I'm in business. Then there's my Japanese oral final, which is always a joy (read: nerve-wracking event.) I'll just have to make sure I cover the vocab on Tuesday since I have the whole day off. Then Lingustics on Wednesday night. And then... Lord of the Rings at 10:30pm Wednesday!!!!! I'm so excited.

I saw the new Star Trek movie last night. It was really good but really sad. It might be the last one, after all. It's not often that characters are created who really bring you back again and again. But I guess I won't go into it for the people who haven't seen it yet.

I guess that's it for now. Maybe there'll be some juicier tidbits later on, but for now at least, my life is pretty normal, and the gossip well's been dry for a long, long time. *sigh*
:: Jessi 12/15/2002 12:21:00 AM [+] ::
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