:: Tensai Shoujo ::

:: Sunday, November 30, 2003 ::

In spite of having mostly good days and feeling optimistic most of the time, I did have kind of a bad day today. I didn't get much sleep last night, and I think that was mostly the reason. I planned to get to sleep early, but even though I had worked all day, there was some nagging feeling that wouldn't let me sleep, and so I would wake up about every hour. I talked to Eric online a bit after he got home, then tried again. I still kept waking up. My sister got home around 3:45am, and my mom yelled at her, so that was part of it too, I think. I had to work at 7am, so that was really early to get up, and even though I was home at about 11am, I was at that point beyond repair in the crabby department. So I spent most of the day sulking around, napping now and then, drawing, and talking to people online. I wanted to talk with Eric, but he was doing a paper. Then he left for EBAclub, which I didn't think was going on tonight, so I felt sad because I could have gone tonight if I had known early enough, even though I probably wouldn't have been much fun. I'm actually pretty ashamed of what I did next. I called Eric's cell phone, and I got a little whiney about wishing that I could have gone, and I feel stupid about it. It was pretty immature, and the last thing that I wanted to do was try and make him feel bad. Everyone has their bad days, I guess. I want to apologize anyway.

I wanted to do a review of Mario Kart: Double Dash tonight, but I don't really feel like it right now, so we'll save that for tomorrow or the next day. I have some homework for Japanese to do anyway, so I might as well get that out of the way, or at least take a look. I'll write more later, of course :D
:: Jessi 11/30/2003 10:25:00 PM [+] ::
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In times of relative uncertainty, it's comforting to look to the routine. For me that means watching Lord of the Rings DVDs, in this particular case the Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers Extended Edition DVD. There may be spoilers ahead, so for those of you who haven't seen the Extended Edition yet, or who haven't read the books or both, you should probably just not read this post, because I'm going to give my little review of it. If you do read my review, let me know if it was good and helpful for you.

First of all, this extended version of the film does a lot to enrich the story, both for those of us who've read the books, and for those who may be experiencing it for the first time through the films. This doesn't only occur through the use of great special effects, but also through increased character development which might have caused the movie to lag had it been left in the original cut. The biggest case in point that I can think of right now would be the increased development of the character of Faramir. There was sort of a mini-uproar after the film came out because the passionate fans of the book were upset that Faramir in the film had been such a departure from the Faramir of the novel. The biggest difference was that Faramir in the novel quite easily resisted the temptation of the ring, and was pretty much a purely "good" character, while the Faramir of the film is more conflicted, and a bit more sinister. Now I did in fact read the books before seeing the films, and I have to admit that even from that standpoint, I always felt there was something a bit flat and artificial about the way he was written. First of all, there is a lot of time spent throughout the story up to that point which paints the One Ring as a sort of ultimate evil; something which ensnares and corrupts all who come near it. Well, in spite of this established fact, Faramir gives Sam and Frodo some food, and sends them on their merry way, saying that he wouldn't touch the ring with a ten foot pole. What makes this guy so darn special that he can resist the irresistable pull of the ultimate evil? This never made much sense. In the documentaries on the DVD, however, the writing team actually spends a bit of time discussing why they felt this change in Faramir was necessary, and I tend to agree with them. The change wasn't only based on my aforementioned reason, however. In the extended edition, we also get a little more background info on Faramir, and his new, darker attitude seems even more appropriate. In a new flashback scene, we see Boromir taking back Osgiliath, and being praised by his father, Denethor, the Steward of Gondor. However, Faramir, Boromir's younger brother, isn't favored by his father, and we get the impression that every attempt at impressing his father is met with disgust. So Faramir has this extra motivation of wanting to impress his father, so this chance at obtaining the ultimate "weapon of the enemy" is almost too strong to resist. So it's not as if this was a random choice by the filmmakers. They did it to make things more believable, to create more conflict, because if things had been left as original, the story would have fallen sadly flat at that point.

We're also privileged to see more of what happens in Fangorn Forest with Merry, Pippin, and Treebeard. We get back the famous "Entdraught" scene, where both hobbits grow in stature, and we also learn of the Entwives, and the fact that they have been lost for a great long time. And in a rather satisfying little scene, Treebeard echoes the lines of Tom Bombadil, sort of an homage to what they had to leave out of the first film (a decision I agree with also, because the Tom Bombadil stuff would really have broken the flow of the first film.) I'm glad that they added more scenes with the trees of Fangorn. There's a rather interesting occurrence after the battle of Helm's Deep is nearly complete, where the Uruk-hai run away, defeated, and are met with the wrath of the angry forest. Just goes to show you that it's better to hug a tree than to be its enemy :D I had missed that part, which wasn't present in the theatrical cut of the film, so it was nice to see it back.

One final little addition that I liked was a chapter called "Flotsam and Jetsam," in which Merry and Pippin, floating around near a waterlogged Orthanc tower, find a food storage room and also some pipe weed from the Shire. It's a very funny scene, one which wouldn't have worked in the theaterical cut, but really add some charm to the extended version.

There are other additions that really made this version worth it, but I'll leave those up to you to find for yourself. Just believe me when I say that they really do serve to enrich the story, and the new info might help clear up some confusion that people who were unfamiliar with the book may have had.

For those of you who might be wondering, it wasn't really so bad at work today. I was working at the Service Desk, and the only reason we were busy was because people were leaving so much stuff at the checklanes that we were having trouble sorting it all. So yeah, thanks for being concerned, and thanks to all of you who left me birthday messages (or told me in person). Thank you from my heart.
:: Jessi 11/28/2003 11:26:00 PM [+] ::
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I just visited Eric's blog, and he just wrote down a list of everything he's thankful for, and I realized that I hadn't done that, so I'm going to do it. Bear with me, I get sappy sometimes...

What am I thankful for this year? Many things for sure.

I am thankful for school. Yeah, this may seem silly, because if you know me, I'm always complaining about school, my classes, and the other people there. But without school, I might be working in some cruddy office somewhere, making copies and answering phones for 8 hours a day while some smelly guy, 30 years older than me and with a smaller IQ barks out orders. Yes, I have an active imagination. But school is hopefully keeping me from ending up this way, and I am thankful in spite of the stress. Along these same lines, I'm thankful for the people who I know at school. I am close with very few of them, but most of the people that I've met have been very kind, very funny, and very good people, ready to help me, or laugh with me, or just listen to me complain, and I thank them for it.

I am thankful for Lord of the Rings, both the book and the films. There are very few things that can cause me to well up with emotion at the very thought of them, and this story is one of those things. It tells us that even the very small, the timid, the unlikely, can rise up with courage and be a beacon of hope in a world of darkness.

I am thankful to Nintendo. I play a lot of video games, made by many different companies, but where would I be today if I hadn't played Super Mario Brothers for the first time at Jenny Hanzel's house when I was in second grade? How happy would my life be if I was without Mario Kart? The Legend of Zelda? Donkey Kong? Nintendo not only makes great games, it made a great gamer :D

I'm thankful for my art skill, because it's allowed me to make friends I wouldn't otherwise have, and it's helped me deal with the difficult times in my life. If I feel a little sad, I'm so lucky because I can just go pick up my pencil and sketch book and have at it, knowing that I'll be able to come up with something that makes me feel better, and that expresses my feelings.

I think the biggest thing I am thankful for would be the last two or three weeks. If you talk to me a lot or read this blog regularly, then you may wonder why. Well, people say (or they probably do, somewhere) that through hardship, one might discover hidden blessings. I have realized the problems in my life that need fixing, the things about myself that could use a little work, and now I'm working on them. I am learning how to be patient, where at one time I may have gotten angry and given up without any work. I am learning how to be more in touch with how I feel, and how this can allow me more clarity of thought than I ever imagined. And I am trying to be less selfish, while still making it known what I want and how I feel.

There are of course many other things and people I am thankful for, but I'm sure those involved know who they are :) So thank you everyone, thank you for listening to me when I needed a friendly ear, for helping me stay awake when I was working on a paper, and thank you for standing by me, even during those days when I was really anti-social.
:: Jessi 11/27/2003 10:19:00 PM [+] ::
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Today I turned 22 years old, to little fanfare. Not that it's a bad thing, I didn't make a big deal out of it. I got some nice things. I got "Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers" special edition DVD, which I expected, and also Super Mario Kart: Double Dash for Gamecube, which is a very fun game (it makes my dad be a sore loser though, so maybe I'll have to play it when he's not around). Then I got a bunch of clothes. I got a couple of Nintendo shirts, which made me happy, then a really nice outfit from my favorite pricey clothes store, Express (I suppose it shows how laid back I am when Express is considered pricey, but really, I don't like to spend so much money on clothes :D). I also got a pair of jeans from the Gap, a Ninja turtles hoody, and a really great hoody that I'll have to explain a little further here. Have you all seen the movie "A Christmas Story?" If you haven't, I suggest you do because it's great. Anyway, the little boy in the movie who is the main character gets a really awful Christmas present from his aunt; pajamas which are pink and look like a bunny suit (complete with bunny ears on a hood). Well, the hoody is themed like that, pink with bunny ears on the hood. So it's pretty amusing (I'm wearing it right now). So that was my modest birthday haul. There was only one thing I really wanted, though.
:: Jessi 11/27/2003 09:14:00 PM [+] ::
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Right now it's technically my birthday. Happy birthday to me!

What do I want for my birthday? Hmm, well, I made a birthday list a while ago, but I haven't really been thinking much about it. I guess maybe I'd like a couple extra hours of sleep a day, possibly some more warmth in the weather (it's pretty frickin cold right now). Gah, it's too late for me to be writing, I can't think of anything. I thoroughly exhausted myself earlier today. Must go to bed...
:: Jessi 11/27/2003 01:30:00 AM [+] ::
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YAY!

Wow, so things have been a little confusing for me the past few days. Well, maybe that's not so correct. I guess it's one of those things where I know where I stand and why, but it's not like I can wave a magic wand and force someone to see things the way I see them. I can't bless people with clarity, though I wish I had such a skill. I guess the only thing I can do is be kind and helpful, show that I care, and to be patient. I think patience is my weakest point sometimes, so I guess it might be good for me to be working on it. I hope I'm not sounding condescending, because that's not how I mean to be.

I got raped by a Japanese test today. I guess I should feel lucky, because I think a lot of the people in my class got raped and killed by the test, so at least I'm still alive. Really though, Eric and some friends of ours were studying tons for it, and I was so sure that they were going to do well... but I don't think any of us finished all the questions. I have to admit, and I regret this, but for a long time I would get frustrated because Eric would get a bad score and then be really upset about it, and I'd be like "why don't you just study some more?" But I more than realize now that he wasn't being lazy, the tests are just fucking unreasonable. If I get a bad score, then I deserved it for only studying for like 45 minutes, but he and Laura and Stef, they don't deserve it at all, they were up all night studying. It's not fair. ARGH, I'm frustrated with the Japanese class right now. I'm gonna flip out and kick it in the face.

Okay, I've been up since 6:15 this morning, it's time for bed. Thanks for watching another great episode of "Jessi Ranting," brought to you by the letters "F," "U" and "K."


:: Jessi 11/26/2003 01:04:00 AM [+] ::
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Yup, I'm still up. It's after 2am and I'm still up. I bet you're wondering why I'm up when I have class tomorrow. Well, in my morning class, I have no reading because it's only presentations from people in the class and none of them is me, so I can nap a little there, then Japanese is just review for our test. Film is, well, film. And if I'm tired, I can always nap after I get home.

So I edited the paper of someone who I don't know at all. Jenny was freaking out because some friend of hers can't write, and I'm like "how bad can it be?" so I said I'd take a look... it took me I don't know how long to try and fix this paper, and it was only a page long. One page! I tried as hard as I could to make it comprehensible, but I don't know how well I did.

An acquaintance from work IMed me out of the blue tonight because I gave him the address for my deviantart website and I guess my AIM was on there. I ended up helping him learn about bittorrent and showed him where he could download the Final Fantasy VIII computer game, so he was pretty happy it seemed like. Glad to help, as always.

Man, I'm bored. I keep waiting for people to come online or come home or something, but no one's around except Brian who's working on his homework, and Jenny who is helping that guy with his paper and listening to me talk. Yarrr.

In other news, I deleted a bunch of stuff off of my computer. Mostly videos and some music. It really cleared up some space. I'm going to defragment tonight, I think. Because my computer has just been slow like a bitch lately, and it needs a little defragmental lovin'. Oooh yeeah.

My thoughts are so disjointed today. I keep wanting to talk about my dad's birthday, and Thanksgiving, and work and all that sort of stuff, it's so weird. Bah, ha ha ha!

I think I've been up too late.
:: Jessi 11/24/2003 02:26:00 AM [+] ::
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WTF
I remember him from the second Neverending Story movie. How sad.

I've probably ranted about this before, but some people just don't know what they're talking about (in my opinion) when they talk about their favorite Final Fantasy game. I was having a conversation with a person on Friday about it (actually, the same person with whom I was arguing about Mario 2) and he said that his favorite was Final Fantasy VII. See, when that game first came out, I was just crapping my pants over the graphics (which by standards of the time were not that great, but I had just gotten a Playstation and didn't know any better), and I thought the game was just about the best thing ever. Now, looking back and having played it again recently, I know better. It was an okay game, but nothing special in the way of Final Fantasy. In fact, it was fairly mediocre. The story was kind of like "bla bla, save the earth, everyone is connected through the circle of life, bla bla" and all that. C'mon, gimme a break. And the characters... Tifa = big tittied ho, Cloud = big sword = PHALLUS I am so serious. The music was okay, but not great. The battle system was good though. So it made for an entertaining game, but it wasn't like honkin' awesome like everyone seems to think it is (darn those noobs who started with FFVII). Anyway, so I asked him if it had been the first Final Fantasy that he played, and of course his answer was "yes" because that's what always happens.

See, my favorite is the one that came before (Final Fantasy VI for those less inclined in the way of logic). The music was memorable (I'm listening to it right now in fact,) the graphics, for their time, were superior (and when the game was re-released for Playstation a couple of years ago, the CG was superior to that of FFVII), the story was waaay better, the characters were, for the most part, more fully-developed, and if you thought Safer Sephiroth was one badass angelic endboss, then maybe you should go back and finish FFVI because Kefka was the original badass angel. So yeah, I really like FFVI.

It's been snowing here for about a day and a half. I keep hoping that they'll close school, but I know that's just a fantasy. Even if there were no way to get there, class would still go on. Plus I have a Japanese test on Tuesday, and they never, ever change their schedule. Like I think if we all went to sleep tomorrow, and during the night the whole of society collapsed in a huge ball of fire, the Japanese teachers would still be in the remains of their office, in the remains of Folwell Hall, wondering why all the gakusei (students) hadn't shown up for school.

I made homemade guacamole today. I incorporated Marni's recipe with what I know of Chipotle's recipe, and ended up with something pretty good. It could have used a little more hot sauce, but I managed to pick the right kind of onions and the right amount of cilantro to create a reasonable facsimile of Chipotle guacamole. So it was pretty tasty.
:: Jessi 11/23/2003 05:55:00 PM [+] ::
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I had an interesting "debate" with someone today, and I want to talk about it just to see if I sound like a dumbass or not.

I was in the Asian Languages and Literatures reading room earlier today so that I could do homework between classes. I was talking about something which led the conversation around to video games, and the ports of the Mario Brothers games on the Gameboy Advance. Someone said that their favorite was Mario 2, and I made some offhand comment about how it was fun, but not a real Mario game (if you don't know the story behind that game, I suggest you go look into it, it's pretty interesting.) Anyway, he got sort of indignant, when all I was saying that it was a rip off of another game, not a real Mario game. I didn't say it wasn't fun, I didn't say he was wrong for liking it, I just told the truth. Some people just don't want to hear the truth, I guess -_-;

I made a trip to the grocery store with my parents tonight, which was good because I got some supplies for a salad. Good romaine lettuce instead of tasteless iceberg, and also some good cucumbers. I also got some salt and vinegar flavored chips, which I want to try. They used to make that flavor of Pringles, but they stopped, or at least I can't find them anymore. Not popular here, I guess. I also got some nummy cottage cheese, some beans and soup, basically stuff that I can pack in a lunch and take to school. Tomorrow I'm going back with my dad so that I can get stuff to make homemade guacamole with, like avocados and cilantro and that sort of thing. I love guacamole.

So Live-Evil (an anime fansubbing group) released three episodes of Rose of Versailles over the past couple of days. They're eps I already have, but the quality is better and the file size isn't so darn huge. I'm sure I must have ranted about Anime-Urchins horrendous filesizes before (350 mb for 30 mins). Live-Evil hovers around 100-150 an ep, much more reasonable. So I get the smaller ones, then I can burn them to CD and delete the huge ones. The only reason I download the huge ones is because I really need to see what happens next in the show ^_^ Speaking of which, Urchins released 26 and 27 the other day, better go and start the downloads, since I'm going to bed soon.

I'm starting to feel a little sick. I can't decide if it's the first stages of an illness or if I'm just tired (I was up until 2:00 or so last night) or both. In any case, I ought to be getting to bed. I'll see how I feel in the morning. The promise of homemade guacamole may just revive me ^_~ He he. And my grandpa brought out some nice looking grapefruits, so if I have one of those tomorrow, that ought to be a good breakfast. Citrus is better in the winter because it reminds one of tropical climes.

Anyway, off to bed. Later!
:: Jessi 11/21/2003 10:48:00 PM [+] ::
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Wow, so okay, a word to the wise: don't stay up until past 3am, then get four hours of sleep, then drink a bunch of pop. That's what I did today, and I was totally messed up. And now my stomach is angry with me. Bah, that's what I get for waiting until the last minute to do my paper though. At least I was able to finish, others weren't as lucky. Laura skipped class and asked for an extention because of her computer troubles, and Stef just emailed hers in because she had too much to do. And her cat died recently too. What a stressful time for her. I've been through that crap, I know how bad it can feel. I missed both of them, because it's fun to walk to Folwell with them after our Asian film class.

I talked to Stef a little online actually. She was telling me about some guitarist in a band who she had a crush on, he he. He was pretty good looking, I can see where that would come from :D She's a really nice person.

So my "art as therapy" thing is going really well. I've been doing some sketches the past few days. Anything that turns out well I'll upload to my deviant art page. I uploaded a sketch of a dryad last night after I got home from film. Everyone should go see (shameless plug).

Guess that's it for the time being. I'll go back to being hyper/tired/loopy/horny now.
:: Jessi 11/19/2003 10:10:00 PM [+] ::
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Typing here from an internet kiosk at school. This keyboard is crap. I just wanted to say that I am really hopped up on caffeine right now. I think it's worse from being up so late. Oh well. :D
:: Jessi 11/19/2003 02:47:00 PM [+] ::
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Phew, now that I gave you guys a little bit of a break from my rapid-fire posting of the last few days, I feel like I can sit down again and write something without feeling guilty :D

The last two days have been... much better than expected, to tell you the truth. Based on what happened, I thought the tension would be intolerable and that I would be extremely upset and unable to function, but the opposite has been true. Let me tell you the whole tale.

Monday, after my early class, I went to the study room in the building where I have Japanese. I was intending to wait there until Japanese class, about two hours later, but I got a phone call on my cell phone around 12:30. It was Eric calling, the last person who I expected, asking if I wanted to meet for lunch and talk about what was up and what I was thinking about. So I agreed, though I silently dreaded it because I thought that it would be, you know, "weird." Well, I got there first, then he came and sat down with me, and within the minute I think we were talking pretty comfortably and doing our Japanese homework. I did begin to talk about my personal feelings, which made me a bit nervous, but overall it was really pretty good. Eventually (after class was done) I managed to get my entire viewpoint known, and that felt really, really good, because hearing it out in the open helped me to realize that my viewpoint isn't dumb or immature. So it was very cathartic.

So in any case, things are actually fairly like normal. That fact alone makes me happy.

Well, guess what? It's nearly 3:30 in the morning, and I have to get up at 8:00 :D time for me to skedaddle off to bed.

P.S. Have you been to my deviant art page yet? ^_^
:: Jessi 11/19/2003 03:23:00 AM [+] ::
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Bwa ha ha!

Off of the blog owned by someone named Josh Cagan, his commentary on the new Harry Potter spoof movie (in the same vein as the Scary Movie films) called "Henry Bates and the Sorcerer's Balls":

"What did they reject? Hairy Scrotter and the Sore-ass-er's Bone? Fairy Bottom and the How's-your-whore-moan? Penis Penis and the Penis's Penis?"

Fabulous.

:: Jessi 11/17/2003 01:00:00 AM [+] ::
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Man, I've just been talking to like everyone lately. Tonight it was Brian some more, who I hardly ever get to talk to lately. We talked about reality and fantasy and walking the line of balance... you know, normal friend-friend stuff :D We also talked about being forgiving, and the nature of that. Kind of interesting.

I'm actually sort of happy, and this might sound shallow, but I found the Lord of the Rings band suite for download on a bittorrent site, so I'm downloading it. I love that piece, and I have it laying around on my computer somewhere, but I think it was recorded from an old LP because there's a part during the third movement when it skips pretty badly, and there's a part in the fourth movement where it gets crackly sounding really bad. So hopefully this one will be of a greater quality. I told Jenny that if I could only listen to one thing ever again (in terms of music) that is what I'd pick. If I had to pick one movement, it would be number two, Lothlorien, because I had that tune in my head for years after hearing it for the first time, and it's so pretty and moving.

Well, it's pretty late now. I've been up late the last few nights, just because I'm unable to sleep. It's not that I'm being kept awake by any particular emotion, it's just that I have so many thoughts swimming around in my brain that it's just too, I don't know, noisy. I thought about taking something so that I could sleep, but that's probably not good either. Watching TV seems to help actually (that probably says something about TV). Maybe it's because I'm not looking forward to school tomorrow...?
:: Jessi 11/17/2003 12:55:00 AM [+] ::
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I was talking to Laura yesterday, and she said that I should get an account at deviant art so then I could put pictures up on the internet. I mean, I supposedly was working on a webpage, but that hasn't become a reality yet. So anyway, if you want to go see my art (all of it is older right now, I haven't scanned anything in a while) just go to this page and you can see some pictures.

I actually had a really good conversation with Laura this morning after I got out of bed. She's a very nice, very smart person. And she agrees with me, he he ^_^. I hope that soon I can rejoin her and the others at anime club, because I don't want to isolate myself anymore. I am already feeling pretty good and optimistic about things, so I should be okay.
:: Jessi 11/16/2003 01:18:00 PM [+] ::
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I almost forgot to mention that David called me earlier today. We talked for a long time, and it was really nice. Thanks, David :)
:: Jessi 11/16/2003 02:17:00 AM [+] ::
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I talked to Eric over AIM earlier today before I left for work. It was not really bad at all. I talked about basically what I've mentioned here before, and I think maybe he understands my pov anyway. To tell you the truth, I don't know what that means, but I feel better anyway. All I can really do now is improve myself like I talked about. To try and fix the things that I know are my problems, so that I can be a better person. Then see what happens.

Oh, and my problem? Well, I've known for a long time that I just don't handle stress well. I get snippy, I get angry, and I act out by getting pissed at people and saying mean things. I've always thought to myself that I really need to fix that, to find some other, healthier outlet, but I never thought that it was so bad that I was actually hurting people. But I was of course mistaken... so anyway, I've decided that, because of this wakeup call, that I would really take measures to try and help myself and become better. I want a healthy way to handle my stress, so that people will want to be around me, rather than run away. The first thing I've decided to do, and really I was doing this a month ago, is try to change my attitude about things. In my conversations I generally end up complaining about something or someone, and that's not anything that people want to hear for very long. So I've been trying to follow that rule that mom always says, "If you don't have anything good to say, just don't say it at all." Which is really hard to do, because bitching is a habit. Secondly, I wanted to look for a way to handle stress better. So I decided to do something I love but don't do enough of: drawing. I hope that by channelling my frustrations, I can end up with some good artwork at least. Maybe in this way, I can try to repair some of the damage I've done, at least making it easier for people to be around me.

This stuff is hard work, and I don't expect it to come easy, but hopefully the rewards will be worth it (especially the lack of an ulcer.)
:: Jessi 11/16/2003 02:13:00 AM [+] ::
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I had filled this space with things last night, but I ended up deleting them because it was really just mindless ranting anyway. Plus, Eric IMed me while I was asleep. I replied to him, told him what I thought was going on, based on my many years experience in dating. I hope I made some sense.

Anyway, I wouldn't say that I'm mad at him or hate him, which I definitely don't. But I do think that he's confusing things and was too quick to make any decision. However, this is not anything that I can make anyone understand; it's something I understand based on what's happened to me. The only thing I can do is be a good person, be open and kind and caring, in the case that things might change course. I'm not being unrealistic here, I just know the things that I've done in the past, and I want to be mature enough to leave things open, rather than being closed off forever like they had been when I was younger and less experienced.

I was talking with a few of my friends this morning, and Jenny ended up telling me that David saw my blog entries from Thursday and is planning to call me later. David, if you read this, I will be at work until late tonight, but you can try calling anyway. In any case, I'll probably be home on Sunday.

I feel much calmer now. I do however stand by everything that I've said so far. I don't believe in giving up anymore. I believe in working on things that are not going right, but I don't believe in giving up. Things may cool off from time to time, but that's no reason to go running off somewhere else at the first sign of trouble.
:: Jessi 11/15/2003 11:27:00 AM [+] ::
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I knew it when you gave me my pen back.
:: Jessi 11/13/2003 11:17:00 PM [+] ::
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I had written something here, and it turned out that Blogger had signed me out and when I went to publish, it all went away. I can't even rant correctly. I don't want to wake up tomorrow.
:: Jessi 11/13/2003 11:01:00 PM [+] ::
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Not in very good shape right now. Very worried and stressed. Cried myself to sleep last night and don't know why. Just want everything to be normal again. I want it to be summer again.
:: Jessi 11/13/2003 07:06:00 AM [+] ::
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Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	Low
Schizoid:	Low
Schizotypal:	Moderate
Antisocial:	Low
Borderline:	Low
Histrionic:	High
Narcissistic:	Low
Avoidant:	Low
Dependent:	Low
Obsessive-Compulsive:	Low
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --

:: Jessi 11/05/2003 09:18:00 PM [+] ::
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Aah, listening to the Xenogears soundtrack. Now that's a game I've never finished. It looks deceptively short, because it's only two discs long, but the thing is there are hardly any cut scenes, so there's oodles of room on each disc for actual game quests and locales. So it took me weeks upon weeks (meaning half a year) to get to the second disc, and by then I got so frustrated when I got stuck that I haven't played it for at least a year. Yeah, I get like that sometimes (don't even get me started about Dragon Warrior VII...) Anyway, the soundtrack is just great. It's mostly very relaxing, pretty music. The recurring themes are really good. I give it an A- (not a perfect A because the game and its rabid fans piss me off sometimes).

Have I ever talked about Xenogears fans? They are very rant-worthy. See, the game itself has a plotline with various religious undertones, and while this makes for a really interesting and involving game, it also provides the fans fodder with which to make all sorts of claims about this-symbolism and that-alternate meaning. Seriously, these people can go on for hours and if you don't agree with them or aren't willing to go that deep into it, watch out. I hate to say it, but "It's just a game!" There is a point where analysis becomes over-analysis and gets damn annoying.

I've been trying and trying lately not to pass judgement on people so much (from the previous paragraph it looks like I've failed -_-), and I've had a little bit of success. Remember that guy I mentioned a few weeks back who was posting to the message board and being generally really annoying in club? Well, I had the chance to talk to him the other day in person. I get the impression that he means well, but his social skills just aren't developed so much. So he ends up pissing people off when he doesn't really want to. So I don't dislike him now as much as I feel sort of sorry for him. I guess it helps to know the other side of the story. However, I am still having a problem with the guy in my film class and his "holier than thou" attitude. Before class today we had about an hour and a half, and some of the other guys in the class were watching "Suburban Commando" which is a Hulk Hogan movie. Funny, huh? :D Anyway, we were enjoying it because it was really just a silly movie and we had some good childhood memories of it. Anyway, this guy walks in the class, sees what we're watching, and says "Do you guys hate yourselves or something?" I wanted to punch him in the face, seriously. Yes, we all realized that it wasn't a very well-made film, but we were having a good time, and it doesn't make us stupid if we're enjoying a bad movie, sheesh. I wonder what happened to him in his life to make him have such an attitude? I think it has something to do with trying to act mature before his time, but I don't want to delve any further into it tonight.

Oh, so I was going to tell the funny story of Mr. marijuana guy the other day, but never got around to it. Well, I emailed David the story, so I'll just reprint it here to get everyone caught up:

I have a class in Murphy Hall (the journalism building) on Wednesdays, and I usually end up getting there pretty early so I wait outside in the hallway until the people in the class before mine leave the classroom. Today I was joined by maybe half of my class, including this Asian kid whose name I don't know. Anyway, I was sitting next to Eric and across the hall from said Asian kid, reading from one of my assignments. But this kid was making noise with some little bag that was really annoying (you know that noise, when someone is crinkling plastic) so I looked out from behind my reading to see what he was messing around with. Well, he had a little plastic packet that contained something which I will say looked a little bit like oregano... he he, yes, he had a bag of weed right out there in the open (mind you, this was in a well-lit hallway of a campus building with teachers passing by periodically). Not only that, but he had a pipe out and was loading it up with the weed right there in front of us. After that, he started asking all of us if we had a lighter, and mostly people just sat there with mouths agape. Once he started talking, it was obvious that he had taken something else just recently because he was acting really goofy, and that I suppose justified his thoughtless actions earlier with the weed and pipe right out in the open. Anyway, Eric was scolding him, and our friend Laura was hissing at him (she was dressed in a hat that had cat ears attached to it :D). The guy was wandering the halls at this point (we think he may actually have gone in the bathroom to smoke, because he was gone pretty long at one point), and he ended up wandering into a couple of TA's offices. I wonder what they made of the situation. :)

Yes, that actually occurred, folks. Anyway, the sequel is that I was eating my dinner in the classroom tonight before the movie, and this same guy walked in and asked me for my dinner. I think we all know why he was hungry in the first place. I told him no flat out, and he hung around for about ten minutes of class and then left. I can only assume it was because he was actually stoned again. What a piece of work.

Damn, it's like 1:30, and I have class in the morning. Phooey. Well, I guess that's it for now. I'll have to let everyone in later on the interesting discussion I had in one of my classes about human instincts :D Stay tuned.
:: Jessi 11/05/2003 01:27:00 AM [+] ::
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Hmm, so I happened upon something on the internet tonight, and it seems especially appropriate considering the atmosphere in the country lately. While there are those amongst us who believe that we are engaged in a rightious war, there is of course another side to the story.

The War Prayer

Aside from that, I've decided that this year, in service to myself and my fellow employees, I'd post a little message about being a civilized shopper during the busiest season of the year. Yes, the holiday shopping season is almost here, and as much as I'd like to ignore that fact and hide under a rock until January, that's not going to happen. I just want to make it as pleasant (or at least as tolerable) as possible for everyone involved. So here's my little essay, and I'd ask all of you reading who have blogs of your own, please copy and paste this so that others can see, and ask them to do the same. Maybe this way, at least people who have the urge to behave intolerably will think twice before doing so :)

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A Cashier's Plea
By Jessi Silver

I'm a cashier. I work at a national chain store, along with many other fellow employees. Though there are a few amongst us who don't do a great job, the majority of us work our asses off making sure that our store is clean, that people can get through the lines quickly, and most of all, making sure that we offer the best service that we can. Most of the time this isn't a tough task. Most people who come in to shop are friendly, or at least civil towards us, and things usually run smoothly. However, the holiday shopping season is the most stressful time for both shoppers and employees, and while a lot of people try to keep a good attitude and roll with the punches, it is those who can't or won't who make life difficult for everyone. It is my intent to help these people realize that their actions affect more than just themselves, and that respecting the store and its employees, plus observing a few guidelines, will make shopping during this time of year much smoother.

First of all, I think one of the simplist things people can do to help each other is to use common sense. I know, it's a simple thought, but it's amazing how many people just do not think one iota before they ask a question or start yelling about something. The first thing people should do is read the signs. At my store at least, we have prominent signs all over the place with arrows pointing customers in the directions of departments. Asking me where a particular item is when you're not sure what department it should be in is an appropriate question; asking me where the DVDs are when you're standing right next to a sign pointing in the correct direction of the Movies department is not. It is not that I don't want to help you, but the signs are posted for a reason: so that customers will be able to find what they need without having to take the extra time to look for an employee. Signs are also important in knowing the return policy of the store. While you might be familiar with the overall return policy of a store, most if not all stores may have alterations to their policy during the holiday season. For example, my store, when returning Christmas trees after the holidays, will only return the trees at their clearance price (in the case that they are undamaged). This is to ensure that people aren't just "renting" their trees for the holiday season. There are signs posted all over the place back by these items in the seasonal department stating the special policy, and still there are people who come in and get incredibly angry over the whole thing. My advice is to read the signs. If you read something and don't agree with the policy, then don't support it; buy somewhere else. And if you do choose to purchase the item under the policy, then realize it was your informed choice, and abide by the rules. Signs are also very important on your way out. Ever notice how at many stores, there are signs on the checklanes designating the normal lanes from the "express" lanes? Even though the majority of shoppers during the holidays are there purchasing large numbers of items, there are still those individuals who may have stopped in just for a couple rolls of wrapping paper, or some envelopes, or a case of pop, and the express lanes are set-aside for those shoppers so that they don't have to wait behind five people with shopping carts filled to the brim. When someone doesn't pay attention to the "Ten items or less" sign, it's inconvenient for the shopper with only a few items, and it adds to the stress and anger that exists already during this busy time of year. Read the signs.

One thing I mentioned briefly before, though I cannot stress enough, is to know the return policies of the stores at which you do your shopping. Most stores have them clearly posted, and many have printed copies available upon request that you can take home and look over at your convenience. Some good general advice is to keep your receipts, preferably in a separate spot so that you have easy access to them. Organization is key. If a store offers gift receipt service, get one for your gifts whether you think the recipients will need them or not. They might already have the item, or they might recieve doubles, you never know. Better to save them the trouble. Be careful not to buy things too far ahead of time either. I know it's tempting to get most of your shopping done in August and September before the rush, but some stores have a time limit for returns. At my store, it's 90 days with a receipt. At many places now, this has been shortened to 30 days, and some places, on certain items, will only allow two weeks for returns or exchanges. Be sure to check into this before you purchase something. Telling a clerk "well, I didn't know I only had that amount of time" won't get much other than some sympathy and a shrug of the shoulders.

This brings me to my final point: Sales clerks. Yes, I will admit that there are some clerks out there who have a bad attitude and are of little help to people shopping, but for the most part I find that most clerks will go out of their way to help people, even when it is time consuming or difficult or inconvenient. There's just one thing that I would hope that shoppers would remember: clerks and cashiers are human beings. It seems like a simple thought, but I've been treated like an idiot too many times to be able to ignore what seems to be a prevalent attitude. I am a human being, and humans make mistakes. If I ring up one two many of something, it doesn't mean that I'm stupid, or that I purposely wanted to charge you more money; it was an honest mistake, and I'll help to correct it anyway that I can. If I tell you I can't do a return for you, it is because I'm blocked by store policy from doing so, not because I don't know how or I'm lazy. If you ask me a question, and then ignore or brush off my answer, I'm insulted, just as any other person would be. Most cashiers or clerks with bad attitudes probably became that way by being treated as a subhuman by customers unconcerned about their feelings. Please, just remember that a kind word or a nice comment card can keep us going for a long time, and make our job much easer and smoother.

I think if everyone just pays attention to these simple thoughts, the winter holiday shopping season will be much kinder to everyone. After all, the holiday season is about peace and love for our fellow humans, right? Let's try to stick to those ideals to make things easier for all of us.
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So how was everyone's halloween? I had a pretty good time, in spite of my lack of sleep for the day before the anime club halloween party. I'll let everyone know once some pictures are up on the anime club homepage, so you can go and look at my costume, as well as other people's. There were some really good ones this year, including Jessi's (yes, another Jessi who spells her name the same way) gothic catgirl costume, which complimented her boyfriend Will's gothic catboy costume quite well (he was the winner last year). We also had a couple of cross dressing guys as the two main characters from Noir, which was quite... interesting. Jo went as a female version of Captain Jack Sparrow from Pirates of the Caribbean. Her's was my favorite costume of the night; she really put a lot of work into it and it turned out great (and her accompanying Captain Jack-esque pose was the winner of the MAS pose contest). The winner of the night was Beth as Dio from Last Exile, which was a really great costume. It was right on in fact. I tried to find a picture of the character to link to, but I couldn't find a good one. Oh well, I'm sure the halloween pics will be up soon, so stay tuned. I was Rakka from Haibane Renmei, which turned out well considering that it was hand sewn and everything. Even though I didn't place in the costume contest, I was happy because I had put so much work into the costume. It was a fun night.

I've decided that this is my favorite time of year. Autumn holds a lot of magic for a lot of people, and I find that this feeling rubs off on me too. In ancient times, many Europeans considered this time the most magical of the year, when the veil between the living world and the spirit world was at its most insubstantial. Many people did (and still do) consider Halloween the one time of year when those who had passed on to the land of the dead could return to visit the world of the living. Many Pagan and Hispanic peoples still follow this tradition, making altars to those loved ones already in the next world and leaving out food and treats for them. There are also certain Pagan traditions which consider Halloween or "Samhain" the transition to the new year. Interesting, eh?

Well, since I don't have any pictures of Halloween to share with you yet, I'll leave off right here. Hopefully they'll be around soon! Stay tuned.

:: Jessi 11/02/2003 01:31:00 PM [+] ::
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