:: Tensai Shoujo ::

:: Friday, January 31, 2003 ::

Just a short update:

I have a real boyfriend.
I am very happy.

Eric, you bring out my best ;)
:: Jessi 1/31/2003 11:19:00 PM [+] ::
...

Alright. I kind of started setting my life in order yesterday night, and though certain things might have made me feel bad, I think it was all for the best. I feel really more settled now than I've felt in a long time.

Anyway, I'd spent the last couple of days feeling really uncomfortable because I felt that I was really lying to myself about wanting things to just work out, while really knowing in my heart that it wasn't going to happen. Plus I'd really been having feelings for someone else... I felt sort of bad about it at the time, but I knew that my current relationship just wasn't going to work out, so I wasn't really guilty per se... it's hard for me to explain because the whole situation was just about a bunch of competing emotions and putting it into writing isn't going to get anyone else to understand any better.

Despite all the happenings, though, I'm really happy at the moment. Things are looking really good.

P.S. Thanks Eric ;)
:: Jessi 1/31/2003 01:00:00 AM [+] ::
...

Woo, I didn't write anything like all last week, sorry to those people who keep up with me this way.

It's been a rather crappy week, I'm sorry to say. School was pretty good, though I'm sad that I have to sleep on a schedule again. It was nice getting up at noon and staying up as late as I wanted :) The crappy part is mostly due to my personal life at the moment. I don't know all who reads this, so I don't know what detail I should go into. And it's sort of not fair to the parties involved that I'm talking about it here, but I seriously need to write this all down before I go insane.

Right, so for a long time now, at least a couple of months I've felt the passion draining out of my relationship. I actually don't know how much there was to begin with, but I know that I felt some spark of something for a long time, and it was all really fun because we have lots of things to talk about. But after months of "inaction" as I call a lack of real affection, stuff started to really bother me. Like playful teasing would start to hurt me, even if it wasn't meant to hurt. Little incidents would start to add up and I would go home and cry after school because my feelings would be hurt so badly, and yet I didn't feel justified in it, so was very torn. Sometime's I'd be depressed or hurting, and just need someone to hold me, and the arms just weren't willing, and I began to question my worth as a person. I think whatever few of these objections was voiced got brushed off, and thus I felt even less ligitimate in my concerns.

Well, now it's gotten to the point where the spark is gone, and the lack of affection has finally taken its toll and I just feel like I can't put up with being brushed aside anymore. It's not that I hate this person, I just feel like there's nothing there for a relationship anymore. I have friends with whom I feel a closer bond than I felt for almost a year with this person, and it pains me to say that. He is a nice guy and a good person for the most part, but I just don't feel a connection anymore.

So that's what's been going on in my life lately. Thank goodness for the people I have around me who'll listen to what I have to say, or I'd really be going insane right now. And I hope to everything that things will turn out all right in the end.
:: Jessi 1/28/2003 12:19:00 AM [+] ::
...

I've finally figured out how to resize my video files so they'll show up the right size on a TV screen. Every other time I've wanted to do this, it would clip the borders of the picture, which especially sucks if you're trying to read subtitles. But I've fixed it. I figured how to resize it without cutting off the edges, so now it should all be fine. Now, if only the file quality was a little higher...

Anyway, I just have to talk about something that happened at work this weekend. It was so stupid, that I can't imagine how the person involved could have been upset with anything about the store. Okay, so it goes like this, I was head-cashiering for a while when the other head cashier went on her break. One of the cashiers needed help, so I walked over and she was in the middle of processing a check for a customer. I asked what was wrong, and she told me that the computer needed a drivers license number in order to process the check, and the woman didn't have hers. At Target, the computer always requires an ID number when a check is written for an amount greater than 100 dollars, and this was was around 180 dollars. I explained to the woman that we needed a valid picture ID, and if she didn't have hers, then we unfortunately couldn't accept her check. Well, she went into a fury about how she'd gotten her wallet stolen and her ID with it, and that she'd written a check earlier and they didn't need her ID, etc. Well, we aren't able to override the ID requirement, so I had to refuse her again. So she took my name and claimed that she was going to come back the next day and speak with a manager about our "unreasonable policy" and then stomped off. It was fairly laughable for me and the cashier and the other customers in line.

Okay, now, let's analyze this situation a little bit. The red flags went up for me the moment I found out that she was writing a check without an ID card present. 95% of the places you go require an ID at all times when writing a check, so she ought to have been prepared to be refused when not having an ID present. It's just common sense. Secondly, if she had really had her wallet stolen, then she should have sympathized with our policy. If she had gotten her checkbook stolen instead, would she want the thief coming to Target, writing a check with no ID, and then having us override it just to be nice? I know I wouldn't. Personally, the whole thing sounded really fishy to me, and I am more apt to believe that she had actually stolen the checkbook, and the fact that she got so angry about the whole thing just made her look more guilty, as if she were trying to disguise her guilt with outrage.

To tell you the truth, I think Target in general has been an enlightening experience for me. People seem to demonstrate their worst qualities when shopping, especially around the holidays. They're mean, nasty, deceitful and basically don't care what employees have to go through in order to please them. I have the impression that more than half of the people who return things are lying about how they became defective. And it's really sad that I have to feel this way, but people demonstrate and reinforce these ideas to me ever time I work.

Phew, it's so depressing, isn't it? It's a small wonder that I'm just so *normal* and *untainted* by society.
:: Jessi 1/19/2003 11:20:00 PM [+] ::
...

I had to work this morning, and that sucked because it meant getting up early. I got knocked out of a dream which I'm not sure about. See, last night a friend and I were having a conversation, and I mentioned some dissatisfactions I've had lately with aspects of my relationship. I'm not wholly dissatisfied, I'll just say that a girl needs her affection or she becomes a wilted flower. Aaaanyway, I was having this dream last night where my dissatisfactions were being, shall we say, taken care of by the other party in this relationship, and I thought it was all real. And it was nice. *sigh* and yet I don't have the confidence to pursue such means, and that's part of my problem. I don't want to cross the line or anything, and part of the problem is that I don't know where "the line" really is. Basically how much I can do without being disrespectful. Jessi is going insane with indecision!

So, I went to the mall today and got some new underwear and a bra that matches. If we spent a hundred dollars at Express, we got some coupons or something, and we were really close, so my mom told me to go pick out something, so I got a bra and underwear. Fun. It's cuter than most of the ones I have, so that's okay. Plus I got some new shoes for like eight dollars. It was sweet. And tonight, I got some new episodes of a certain childhood show which I won't mention in case I'm spoiling anyone's surprise. But I'm amazed to see the files out there, especially since I couldn't find any when I used Kazaa. The only problem is that I'm stuck in queues for so long, because rare stuff is popular with people. I suppose once more people get a hold of these files, that'll change, but for right now it's a pain in the A$$.
:: Jessi 1/17/2003 11:57:00 PM [+] ::
...

Well, I'm feeling a lot better today. I actually woke up Tuesday morning with no fever at all, then went on to draw a really nice picture which I will upload to my new website sometime after it's been completed. I promise this will happen within this decade. Promise.

I started off today by checking up on my normal websites. I usually finish that off with going to www.theonering.net and checking up on the latest news. I found an article about how lots of people who used to like Star Wars are sort of switching over to Lord of the Rings for various reasons, not the least of which is that the Star Wars Prequels S-U-C-K. Anyway, the article is here if you really care, but I think the funniest part is this quote from a hardcore Star Wars fan (aka someone in major denial):

"The Lord of the Rings is a joke. I am a Star Wars fan and am personally sick and tired of the bad reviews and articles about the prequels. The truth is that no movie will ever compare to the story line and plot of these six movies. We will never be dethroned — especially by a movie that has a midget with furry feet as the hero."

Let's respond to this one bit by bit, shall we?
"The Lord of the Rings is a joke." -- Go listen to some of the dialogue in "Attack of the Clones" and I assure you that you'll laugh even harder.

"I am a Star Wars fan..." -- So was I... so were a lot of us until that was spoilt by the prequels.

"and am personally sick and tire of the bad reviews and articles about the prequels." -- Are you now? Then why don't you personally write to George Lucas and tell him not to write another disgraceful movie. If he could finish on a high note with Episode III then I and the other critics and former fans of the world might be inclined to forget about the other two screw-ups. Too bad it WON'T HAPPEN.

"The truth is that no movie will ever compare to the story line and plot of these six movies." -- See, the thing about the original Star Wars trilogy was that it wasn't about the plot, it was about the characters, who were some of the best and most memorable ever on screen. But that charm has been lost and the new movies are all about a thin plot sprinkled with weak characters who are portrayed by poor actors. It's hard to have a good movie under circumstances like that.

"We will never be dethroned — especially by a movie that has a midget with furry feet as the hero." -- Dethroned from where? The top of the nerd mountain? Don't get me wrong, I'm also a nerd, but there's nothing in this statement that adds ligitimacy to the argument that Star Wars is better. And midget with furry feet? Being a Star Wars fan, you ought to be familiar with the theme of unlikely heroes. Luke Skywalker was a farm boy who, despite setbacks and sorrow, became something greater. He surpassed his upbringing and helped free his society from oppression. Frodo is much the same; taking on the burdens of an entire society, though his beginnings were modest.

To finish off this thought, I'd like to say that not every part of the Star Wars prequels were bad. The special effects were some of the best I've ever seen, and if they had been put to good use, developed as an aspect of the films rather than as their sole objective, these films would be something for our generation to cherish. As it stands, however, Lord of the Rings has understood this concept, incorporating the effects into a whole which also includes talented actors and great characters, and Star Wars just can't seem to catch on.
:: Jessi 1/16/2003 01:03:00 PM [+] ::
...

oooh... soo sick.

Yes, everybody, I finally got my bout of the winter flu. It almost always happens over Christmas break for me. I thought I'd avoid it this year, but that was just wishful thinking. Yesterday I woke up and had a scratchy throat. I figured it had something to do with work the previous day, but I decided to take a Tylenol anyway. Work was fine until about 7:00, then the pill started wearing off and I realized that my sore throat had developed into a full-blown fever. I started to feel weak, and everything began to hurt. I didn't go home though, until after closing time, because I was the only one scheduled at the Service Desk, and I didn't want to put anyone out of their way. I got home around 10:00 or so, and got into bed. Then I spent about an hour crying because everything hurt so bad. Then I slept for about two hours until my fever woke me up again, having gained two degrees temperature during that time. Fun. Then my mom got up for work, so I couldn't get back to sleep because the TV was on and it was noisy. So here I am, weak, barely able to talk, and feebly punching out letters on the keyboard to get this entry written so everyone can pity me. Pity me!!

I did get in some rom playing today. I spent a good chunk of the time playing Galaga, quite the classic. I'm up to level 30 something (thank goodness for save states ^_^). Every time I die, I just go right back to where I last saved, piece of cake. Although that doesn't really measure my aptitude at the game, does it?

I want to read some Lord of the Rings. I got through a little today when I was taking a bath, but that's about it. The party is just entering Lothlorien now. I'm really enjoying reading all this stuff again, especially since I'm so familiar with the main story that the little tidbits, songs and poems are really jumping out at me. Especially about the Elves, since I've been doing a lot of outside reading.

Speaking of outside reading, I never realized how many books there were written by Tolkien. Not just the Lord of the Rings, Silmarillion, or Book of Lost Tales either. There are like eight volumes written on the history of Middle Earth, with three dealing with just the events of the LotR trilogy. Plus books containing his writings and whatnot, plus a very interesting book I found which details the evolution of the Lord of the Rings myth through his notes. How exciting!
:: Jessi 1/13/2003 07:09:00 PM [+] ::
...

More Lord of the Rings goodness today. Yes, I know it seems like that's all I talk about, but yeah, it is all I talk about.

I found this whilst looking around theonering.net (my new favorite website, if you couldn't tell). It's an article about some guy who just couldn't stay awake during the two "Rings" movies. This concept is completely foreign to me, and so the only logical explanation is that this guy was just joking. Either that, or he's an ASS, but I'll give him the benefit of the doubt for now.

I had a really good day in terms of rare finds. I had to work this morning, and I got done at 12:15, which gave me about 45 minutes until I could catch the bus to go home. So I went to Half Price Books and chilled there for a while. It was a fruitful endeavor. Not only did I find the book I've been looking for since I was in elementary school, I also found the Fraggle Rock tape that I haven't seen. It has the minstrel episode on it!!! I know that won't mean anything to a lot of people, but if you know Fraggle Rock, then it's pretty special.

I'm getting close to being done with my second reading of "The Fellowship of the Ring." The second time through is a lot easier. I've done reading online dealing with some of the lesser characters and events, so I'm gaining a little more from it this time while being able to also go through more quickly. Maybe if I'm really good I can still finish the trilogy before I go back to school. We'll see.
:: Jessi 1/10/2003 08:46:00 PM [+] ::
...

If anyone's been following the debate about whether Andy Serkis should be eligable for an Oscar nomination for his portrayal of Gollum in "The Two Towers," I've found a couple of opposing articles which kind of outline the opinions either way. The pro-eligability viewpoint can be found here and the against-eligability viewpoint can be found here. I think it goes without saying that I align myself with the former opinion. I know that it took technicians to put the "skin" on Serkis' performance, but he was the essence, the movement, the voice, and he embodied the character which the programmers drew on. I think he is well deserving of a nomination, and I hope this will set a precedent for the future.

This info courtesy of www.theonering.net
:: Jessi 1/09/2003 03:20:00 PM [+] ::
...

I've been letting my brain run on auto pilot today, and so ended up spending most of my time looking at pics of the guys from "Lord of the Rings." I actually found quite a few nice pictures which I've now added to my steadily growing "Lord of the Rings" picture folder on my computer. And I'm developing a crush on Elijah Wood. I mean really, I'll let you in on a secret. When I found out a few years ago that he was going to be playing Frodo Baggins, I was like "wow, this movie's gonna suck, because all I'd ever seen him in was "Flipper" and "The Faculty" and knew him as a child actor with what I considered limited credibility. But of course he's done a bangup job in the films, and has gone from that gawky adolescent period to a very good looking young man. Dark hair and blue eyes, I mean, geez, he's youthfully attractive. And that's all I'm gonna say about it for the time being because I think I'm probably making everyone sick.

I got my hair cut today. I got it cut really short (chin length) with red streaks. I really like it a lot, since it's such a change and I won't have such a hard time taking care of it. I don't know if I'll keep it like this permanently, but it's nice to do something different once in a while. Maybe I'll be more inspired to do stuff for the rest of break now! Then again...

Nothing else really today. No humorous occurrences, just a quiet day spent playing FF7. I must say that I got Aeris' "Great Gospel" limit break today for the first time since owning that game, and even though she only got a chance to use it like six times before her death, it was well worth it. I am going to milk this game dry this time, getting all the secrets I can, so maybe I can sometime finally lay it to rest. Or at least retire it for another year and a half ^_^
:: Jessi 1/08/2003 11:50:00 PM [+] ::
...

Naughty again. I almost went to see "The Two Towers" again with my mom today, but she was too tired and we had too much to do. Oh well. I can let the fond memories rattle around in my head until August rolls around and I get my first taste of some rad "Two Towers" DVD action.

My entry today is actually focusing on "The Two Towers" because I've been reading stuff on the internet lately written by fans of the books who feel they were let down by certain aspects of the film. I can see where they are coming from, because there were a few changes that really strayed from the storyline of that portion of Tolkien's book, but in the end I think the changes were necessary in order to translate the story into a film format. There are times where the books are "talky," meaning that some character or characters talk about a historical event, or something else applicable to the story world which may not be totally applicable to the story at hand, and slows down the pacing of the narrative. These types of things are interesting in a book form, but if they were included in the movie, I think I'd consider it "bathroom break time." If anything, the movies did a great job of streamlining the story.

Some people are crabbing about all the "Aragorn and Arwen" stuff that's ending up in the films. Their argument is that it isn't in the books, or part of the main story. Well, anyone who's read through the entire story knows that everything shown on screen as part of this substory can be found in Appendix A in the back of the book. So either they just don't particularly go for the expansion of that lovestory, which is just an opinion, or they haven't read the entire book and don't know what they're complaining about, which is not excusable at all.

Some other people don't like the portrayal of Faramir in the movie, because he was made out to be sort of evil, or at least more tempted by the ring than he was in the book. This is one of the things that I noticed from my first viewing of the movie. I've thought about this particular point quite a bit, and even witnessed some debate about it first hand. I guess my idea about it is that, while it doesn't coincide with the book, it increases the conflict, and really displays that it is not just the "enemy" that is out to get a hold of the ring. Faramir is in a tough spot, especially since the forces of Gondor are obviously not equipped to hold of the forces of Mordor for much longer. Having the power of the ring, as he sees it, would give his country the advantage to survive. So while it was good for the Hobbits in the book to get some rest and food and be sent on their way by a less conflicted Faramir, the portrayal of his character in the film is more humanly realistic. It also leads to more satisfaction when Faramir finally lets Sam and Frodo go, as though he has overcome the temptation, rather than never having been tempted at all.

Another note on the same line. In the book, Faramir "saw" his brother Boromir floating downstream in the funeral boat that Gimli, Legolas, and Aragorn had put together. I've read some complaints about that omission, but from information gleaned from images of the trailers for "The Two Towers" I have every reason to believe that a scene of that nature will be inserted in the Extended Edition Two Towers DVD.

And I'm sort of sick of reading about the uproar over the Elves' presence at Helm's Deep. In short, though it wasn't in the book, it was a fitting message about unity, and Elrond's change of heart over the validity of the preservation of the world of men was refreshing and satisfying.

That's about all I have to say on the subject for now. To read a similar opinion on this matter in general, I suggest a very good article found here.

By now I'm sure it goes without saying that, with each viewing, I love both "Fellowship" and "Two Towers" even more, and can't wait until "Return of the King" this December.
:: Jessi 1/07/2003 08:43:00 PM [+] ::
...

I'm so naughty. I went to see "The Two Towers" again yesterday. That makes four times in the two weeks that it's been out in theaters. My mom has even started making fun of me for the number of times I've seen it. So I think I'm going to retire it off my list and just wait until next August for it to come out on DVD. I'll let the memory stay how it is in my head now, fresh and beautiful and wondrous.

I started reading the books again. I just had an urge to start reading, and so I dug out all three parts again and I'm about 100 pages in. I must admit that I thought some of the parts were boring the first time I read it, but now I consider everything a deeper insight into the word which enchants me, so it seems less and less boring each time I read it. Plus I'm enamored with anything about elves, and I even looked into the Elvish languages recently for fun. It's all very interesting and such a complete mythology.

Last night I saw a movie at someone's house called "Pumpkin" and it was just so disturbing I don't even know what to say about it. It was basically about this sorority girl who falls in love with a retarded kid. And hilarity ensues. It was obviously an indy flick and it borrowed cliches from just about every movie ever made. Often times I couldn't tell if it was supposed to be modern day or in the sixties because the clothes didn't give anything away, and the automobiles were modern day sometimes but there were a lot of older ones in a couple of scenes. Plus it exuded a sixties vibe to me, despite things that seemed the contrary. In any case, it wasn't a movie I would have picked for myself, but it was funny to watch in a group.

I've got to get hopping on some fan art soon. I have a couple in the works. It isn't really such an issue in the big scheme of things, but someone got some posted on the anime club website recently. He or she had four to my two, and they were almost as good as mine, so I have to whip some stuff up. And they have to be obviously better than this other person, so I can retain my spot as the raddest Anime Club artist ever :) I think backgrounds will be my saving grace. Fan artists are really good at creating character shots, but they'll be darned if they can do backgrounds to pictures. That's why my Sakura pic was so good. Despite the fact that certain *aspects* of the bacground were impossible or wrong, the majority of people couldn't point it out, and the details and colors were more than are usually included, though they were quite simple. So I think I have a leg up, despite the talent of the other person. I will not be beat.

Grr, I just checked, and this person has two more up that are of decent quality. I must get cracking on this. I'm riled up and motivated now. Must do fanart. I think I can even do video game fanart which is easier. Just do some Final Fantasy stuff that's unique and in my own style (rather than COPIED FROM THE STRATEGY GUIDE *ahem ahem*). I'm glad I have a style that agrees with me lately. I'm gonna take a shower and then get started. All you journal-readers out there wish me luck ^_^
:: Jessi 1/02/2003 10:51:00 AM [+] ::
...