:: Tensai Shoujo ::

:: Wednesday, July 30, 2003 ::

I was at work today and it was sort of during that non-busy period right away in the morning, so of course my mind began to wander to things other than Target. I began to think about a situation that's been brewing lately, and I thought it might be interesting to talk about.

There's a hentai anime that Eric has called "Bible Black" and of course it involves a lot of hot girls and sex. Well, when we were in Chicago for Anime Central earlier in the year, we stopped by the booth of the distributor who handles that particular anime, and they had a free catalog, which Eric grabbed because it had some nice pictures of the characters from "Bible Black" that he could scan at high resolution and use to make wallpapers. Fastforward a little while. Eric has scanned the pictures and put together the wallpaper with two of the characters from the series on it, and he goes to put it up at the anime club website. Jo, who co-runs the site, objects, because she finds the partially-clothed women offensive. She agrees to let Eric put up the wallpaper if he agrees that she, in the near future, can create and put up an equally objectifying picture with hot guys in it.

Well, recently Jo put together some wallpapers, and had some of her friends vote on which one she should add to the site. As of right now, I don't believe any of them are actually up on the anime club site, but here are some links to the pictures so that you have some idea of what I'm talking about:

Eric's
Bible Black

Jo's
F*ck Buddies
Zetsuai
Kao
Sexy Boy
Go Wild

Now, each of the wallpapers features very attractive people in compromising or sexually suggestive poses. That's not really what bothers me. What really started me thinking earlier today was about how differently things are perceived when dealing with different sexes. Let me explain. There are more than a few females that I know of who get very offended at objectification of women in any form, and yet they think nothing of turning around and making no secret of objectifying some attractive male movie star. I don't really understand this mindset. Is it because they feel that they must pay back the male gender by beating it at its own game, or do they behave this way because in order to deal with the male gender they must turn it into something non-threatening? I think Eric believes the second idea, and in some respect I tend to agree. But for all the dwelling I've done on this subject, I can only come to the conclusion that if I were offended by certain depictions of women, I wouldn't want to get involved in the game of "Who can objectify the other's gender better."

It's my belief that for all the ogling people do at idealized figures in the media, most of these people do also have respect for the opposite gender and are more than able to distinguish reality from overly-idealized and sexualized fantasy images. Who am I to tell my boyfriend not to look at big-chested actresses when I've just gotten done swooning over some shirtless pictures of Orlando Bloom? The whole issue is just another thing for people to get worked up about and it's not worth it because it's a matter of human nature.

You can tell how boring it is at work when I've been thinking about stuff like that :D

I had just about the best day ever on Tuesday. Monday night I was over at Eric's and so I went home that night blissfully exhausted, so I had an easy time getting to sleep and staying asleep the whole night. Tuesday morning I got up at a reasonable time (8:30am) and decided, after playing a few video games, to go for a bike ride, which was really really nice. It got my blood moving and my lungs working and made me feel really energetic. Afterwards, I took a nice cool bath and got out feeling really refreshed. Then Brian IM'ed me and asked if I wanted to go to the lunch buffet at Taste of Thailand, the local Thai restaurant. It was really really tasty and it filled me up well. Then we all went for a walk, and walked around Springbrook Nature Center, which was about two miles. We saw two baby deer there! They were really cute and they were only maybe fifteen feet away. That was really awesome. Later in the evening, I had time to watch a little TV and read some of my book, and so I went to bed feeling pretty good.

Today wasn't as good, because I had to wake up really early against my body's will, but I know tomorrow will be nice and I hope to keep riding my bike so I can get in shape a little this last month before school.

Well, that's about all for now. Oh, I got some new fanart done, you can see it here.
:: Jessi 7/30/2003 05:44:00 PM [+] ::
...

I need to make this short because I have to work yet again in the morning. At least it's only a four hour shift tomorrow instead of the eight-and-a-half hour monster that I worked both Saturday and today.

Anyway, this is just an little amendment to the post I made yesterday. See I talked about the fact that I'm not "wedding crazy," and that isn't quite true. The fact of the matter is that I'm extremely wedding crazy. Crazy because it seems like a lot of people that I know are getting married, and I keep hearing about it, and thinking about it, and it's driving me mad to a point. It's making me feel so... young. Yeah, I know people usually say that this type of thing makes them feel old, but that's something I'll reserve for the time when I read the obituaries looking for friends who have died before me. Anyway, just thinking about these people who are my age and who are making this huge commitment makes me realize just how emotionally young I really am. I seriously feel so much younger than my age, and part of that might be my upbringing and my aversion to responsibility, but I seriously think there are so few people my age who are genuinely old enough mentally to be married, and here are all those people diving right in and tying the knot. I guess that I find it more reasonable that people my age might get engaged and then wait a few years before they actually got married, but that doesn't seem to be the case in practice. Hmm. Well, we'll see how I feel once I graduate. The end of every semester takes such a toll on me that I feel like a rickety 80-year-old :D Ha ha.

Well, that was my reflection for the night. Maybe I'm not wedding crazy, maybe I'm just crazy, period. Or maybe I just think too hard about things that are bigger than me sometimes (quite likely).
:: Jessi 7/27/2003 11:43:00 PM [+] ::
...

Arrgh, I had such a long day at work today. I had to get up early, I had to stay a long time, and I was on my feet a lot. Grr, so I'm currently in that entirely useless state of being, where my energy has been sapped and I don't want to do anything but sit around and play games and whatnot. Not the most constructive use of my time. And I get to look forward to another 8 and a half hour day tomorrow, and then working Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday also. Fuuuun. I'll just keep telling myself "at least I'll have a lot of money for once." Too bad it all has to go toward my schooling. :(

I downloaded a zip file today that contained a couple of Sega Genesis emulators and a bunch of roms. So far they seem to work pretty well. I used to have a Genesis emulator on my old computer, but the sound emulation was so bad that I couldn't bring myself to play it. The sound on this one (I think it's called DGen) is pretty good, though not completely accurate to the original Genesis sound. Which is probably a good thing because the sound processor on the Genesis was laughable anyway. It had about the same range as an NES in terms of processing power. And it was loud and sometimes obnoxious. This emulator seems to sharpen it up while toning it down a bit so it doesn't hurt my ears and get annoying. Quite a plus. Anyway, I've played a few games so far, but I've spent the most time on Sonic 2, my favorite of the Sonic games. Catchy music, nice level design, and that cute little two-tailed fox named Tails :D

Oh, guess what? I've also been playing Final Fantasy 6 on my playstation for the past day. I did a fan art from the game, and it kind of made me want to play it. I think my playstation is getting old, though, because it doesn't want to read the disc sometimes. I do remember hearing some things when Final Fantasy Anthologies (the collection with this particular game) came out that had something to do with the CDs not working in some playstations, but I don't remember anything specific. I think my machine is probably just old and tired, and it's telling me I ought to get a Playstation 2 or something. By the time I have money, they'll be about ready for the Playstation 3 :( Oh well, it's the tradeoff for my quality education, ha ha.

Eric went home this weekend again so that he could go to his aunt's wedding. Earlier I asked him where it was being held, and he said that he didn't know. I thought that was sort of silly. I mean, if I'm going to an event, I like to know where it is. I have an inkling, and this might be true for a lot of guys, that maybe he didn't want to talk about it because he was afraid that if he started talking about the wedding, I'd get all fixated on the subject and start going "wedding crazy" like a lot of women tend to do. He made a point of telling me that he "couldn't care less" about where it was or what time or whatever, so I sort of think maybe, and I could be wrong so Eric don't feel insulted that I'm trying to analyze your behavior because really I'm just bored, he wanted to throw me off the subject or at least downplay it. And I could be thinking too hard. In any case, I only asked him out of curiosity in the first place, I'm not a freak. Well, not that kind.

OMG so I downloaded a soundtrack to Super Smash Brothers DX that's orchestrated, and they orchestrated the dungeon theme to the second NES Zelda game, and it's so good. Holy crap it makes me happy. It's so good!!

I've decided that I want to get one of those DDR type dance pads so that I can play it at home. I figure it's the only way I'm ever going to get any exercise. I just have to find a good one that is USB adaptable so that I can hook it up to ye ole computere and play the online versions floating around.

Okay, I think this is long enough for now. Maybe I'll have some funny work stories or something tomorrow. Stay Tuned!
:: Jessi 7/26/2003 11:53:00 PM [+] ::
...

Yay, posting twice in one day (or at least twice in one waking period, I don't know how late it's gonna be when I finish writing this.)

Tonight Jill gave me a call and she brought over my bridesmaid's dress. It's pretty swanky, and thankfully it's not nasty or a bad color or ugly or anything, so that's good. Then we went out to eat at a restaurant near my house, and then we went to see "Pirates of the Caribbean," which was my third time to see it. Still very funny :D

You know what? I'm tired and I'm going to bed. Yeah, I know the post was small, but I'm just tired. See you on the flip side.
:: Jessi 7/25/2003 11:33:00 PM [+] ::
...

Hey, so today I have something very fun for everyone. It's what I like to call "Jessi's guide to making up insults her special way" and It goes something like this.

Say you're ranting about some asshole in your life. Maybe someone cut you off on the road when you were driving. Possibly someone insulted you behind your back (or to your face even.) Or maybe you're just in a bad mood. So do what I do, make up some insulting names on the fly! The formula is simple, and it's formatted this way:

[insulting word] Mc [insulting word]-pants.

Don't understand? Here are some examples:

Slutty Mc Ho-pants
Ugly Mc Nasty-pants
Brainless Mc Stupid-pants
Otaku Mc Smelly-pants

See how easy it is? Now you too have the skills you need to insults the idiots in your life while making your friends laugh at your joke at the same time :)
:: Jessi 7/25/2003 03:16:00 PM [+] ::
...

Why am I posting in such quick succession you may ask? I don't know, I just felt like it. I suppose more accurately, I just experienced such a wave of emotion that I was compelled to write about it. And to tell you the truth, I'm pretty ashamed of myself for feeling the way I did, but I couldn't really help it.

Tonight Eric went out for dinner with a friend of his who he used to have a crush on. It wasn't something that bothered me because I trust him and I know that they decided themselves to just stay as friends a long time ago. So they were out, and then maybe a half an hour or so ago, Eric got back and told me about the evening. It sounded like fun; they went to Khan's Mongolian Barbecue, which sounds really good and I hope that I can go sometime. No, I wasn't bothered that they went to a restaurant, but Eric said something next that bothered me. I said that I hadn't ever met this Elsa who he was with, and he went on to describe her "assets" and the fact that she likes cars, and I suddenly felt a wave of jealousy, then a sinking depressed feeling come over me. I mean, he wasn't saying that her hair was nice or that she had a cute body to upset me, but that's what happened.

I have to admit, I haven't been the happiest with myself lately either. I've been gaining weight all summer, and I haven't been feeling very energetic at all, and so I haven't really been up to the level I'd like myself to be. So I'm not feeling very attractive, and to feel compared to a girl who sounds really cool and pretty, well, it hurts me. It gave me a tight feeling in my chest and it made me want to cry. It was just an innocent comment that really just tore at me and made me feel like crap. I guess everyone needs to feel like they're pretty sometimes too.

Well, yeah. I think I'm going to go to bed soon, I want to get up early tomorrow.
:: Jessi 7/22/2003 11:21:00 PM [+] ::
...

yeah, I'm so bored that I'm writing in this blog I got sittin' around.

I finished a crappy weekend of work. Crappy because I had to open every day, and I was having trouble sleeping the whole weekend, due to the fact that I was out with my friends when I was supposed to be sleeping :D. So yesterday I was really crabby, and today I'm just lethargic. Last night I made a list of things that I really should do, and out of about ten or twelve things, I've done like one of them -_- way to go Jessi.

One of the things on my list is to email the Japanese penpals that I hooked up with from a penpal service thingy. I got like six responses, and I've responded to one person and that was a couple of days ago. I feel like an ass because I could have replied to them any time today, but instead slacked off and played Flash Flash Revolution online. Gah. So that's my first order of business after I'm done with this. One other thing on my list is to finish some artwork, because I haven't been doing much as of late. I really need to practice and get better. I suppose not for any particular reason except for personal satisfaction, but I just have to get better. Then I have to read the books that Eric loaned me, deposit some paychecks in the bank, and just do a lot of random stuff that I can't remember or avoid doing. So yeah, at least I might be a little more organized now.

I need to get some exercise. I'm starting to gain weigh and it's not cool at all. What it really boils down to is that I really need to eat better to begin with, and I need to have more good eating habits, meaning that I should not eat just two large meals a day, I should spread it out throughout the day to keep my metabolism going. And I should bike. I got my bike out of the shed so I could ride it, and I haven't ridden it except to test the tires. I bet my lethargy will melt away if I start biking for my health. Or something like that.

I'm tired of writing here, so I'm going to stop for now. No offense to anyone.
:: Jessi 7/21/2003 10:41:00 PM [+] ::
...

wow, so I wrote a big post the other day, but didn't quite finish it, and now I don't really want to. I've got much, much worse things to write about now -_-;;

Right, so my sister just graduated from high school, and so college was the next logical step. She went through the application process, and was accepted to the University of North Dakota where she planned to study psychology. Anyway, she had her dorm room situation all set up, and monday and tuesday were the days that she had scheduled for her orientation, where she'd register for her fall classes and get to know the campus. Well, on monday, she and my mom and dad were planning to leave at about 3:00 in the afternoon, so my sister, who was doing something with friends in the morning, was told to be home by 2:00 so they could get ready. Well, she sauntered in the door at about 2:30, and when my mom yelled at her, my sister got angry and said that she didn't want to go. Not thinking that she was serious, my parents and her got into a bigger fight, and then realized that she was serious, she really wasn't planning to go and register. So we all sat there (yeah, I got involved too) and tried to convince her that it would be just fine, that she'd like it once she got up there, and that she really should follow through with her plans and go. So after all the yelling, she finally decided to go, and my parents and she drove away while I stayed home watching the house for the next couple of days.

I was expecting them to be home at around 10:00pm on tuesday, but not too long after waking up Tuesday morning, I got a phone call. It was my mom calling from the car, saying that they'd be home around 2:00pm. Hmm, that didn't sound like good news to me. And my worries were true; my sister had gotten out of bed tuesday morning in the motel in North Dakota, and promptly stated that there was no way in hell that she was going to go to that school, and so my parents really had no choice but to come straight home.

I find this whole thing very shocking, because my sister was always the one who seemed to know exactly what she wanted to do with her life. She seemed so adamant about leaving the state for school, for getting far away from the rest of my family, that none of us could fathom why she'd suddenly want to stay. We're all theorizing that it has something to do with a boy, or at least some friend of hers, but she's not letting on. So now she's going to do exactly what she always said she wouldn't: she's going to go to Anoka Ramsey community college for a semester, and then will try to get into the U of M for the spring.

To tell you the truth, I have very mixed feelings about the whole thing. I feel really shocked, as I said before, but I also feel ashamed for some unfathomable reason. I can only assume that in some deep recess of my psyche, I feel like the fact that she did this reflects poorly on my family, like she wasn't raised right and that was somehow our fault as a family. I'm also quite angry, in a selfish way. I was looking forward to not having to see my sister all the time. She does shitty stuff like take my clothes without asking, she makes fun of me and my friends, and I try not to let on about it, but it hurts me, and this last year has been pure hell sometimes with her around. My one solace was knowing that she would be gone in another state, and now I no longer have that. I'll have at least another year to deal with it, and it makes me so angry that I don't know what to do with myself. And yet, I also have a new sense of superiority. One of my sister's favorite things to mock about me was the fact that I was living at home like a "loser." Well, who's the loser now? At least I stuck with school, even when I had no friends and didn't want to go. At least I didn't bail at the last minute when things seemed really stressful. And I'm angry, because she decided to drop this on my family at the last possible second, when she was having second thoughts at least a couple of months previously. She wasted peoples' time and money when for the entire time she could have been applying at different schools.

Yet, I think the worst feeling I have of all is the pity. I pity her. I imagine the things that I could say to put her down, and they're things that I've said about other people who've basically done nothing after high school, and it pains me that I should even think such things in relation to her. I can't imagine how conflicted she must feel.

However, the thing that's been really pissing me off lately is how nonchalant she seems on the outside. Since coming back, she's done nothing but hang out with her friend Jaime and this group of like pathetic 16-year-old boys she met in marching band. They go out to eat at least once a day (don't ask me where she gets the money, because at the moment she has no job) and they're planning to go see a movie tomorrow or friday. My mom is forcing my sister to get a job, which is totally reasonable, but I can imagine that my sister will end up not working much at all or will put off getting a job as long as she can. God, I just want to throttle her. My poor mother does nothing but stress about the whole thing, and my dad is so angry that he won't even talk about it. He acts like it's not there, and the tension is just knotting me up inside.

Damn, I want to move out. I'm much too fragile for this right now. I want normalcy back.

In order not to end on a low note, I'm going to add a few neutral things to the end here so I can't be accused of depression or something.

David showed me an interesting website the other day, it's called Flash Flash Revolution which is basically the game Dance Dance Revolution only played with the arrow keys on your computer keyboard. It's a good distraction, but the levels are pretty hard until you get used to it. I can't do the fast ones yet.

And I did a quiz here:


You are Reki! Reki is pretty angsty, but not in an
annoying way. Reki's a really practical and
supportive person to everyone else, but she
could really benefit from her own advice
sometimes. Reki is also very artistic.


Which Haibane Renmei Character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Now I'm done.
:: Jessi 7/14/2003 10:13:00 PM [+] ::
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